What have you got to worry about?
Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that having a baby would essentially just be signing up to a life of worry.
Everything has become a death threat. I see the the danger in a spoon, a teddy, a book, a leaf, a hairbrush…the list is literally endless.
I don’t know why I never thought of the worry. I guess I have always been laid back to a certain degree; never given much thought to the deadly uses of bubble machines.
I had looked after several children before I had my own. And I think I did a good job – no one was ever hurt, there were never any tears. Yet somehow I missed out on the worry. And don’t get me wrong, I love the other kids I looked after.
Perhaps its because I had a miscarriage first and that’s what’s that made me worry so much more about every aspect of pregnancy and motherhood. Actually, I’m not sure if that’s true – the second I found out I was pregnant the first time, the world became a different place. I recently asked my friend, who had a lot worse heartache when it comes to rainbow babies, ‘when will I stop worrying?’. She smiled, and simply said never. Let me tell you, she was right. I thought that as soon as I held Luna in my arms, the worry would melt away. To a certain degree, it did. She was here, she was real and she was mine.
So here are my list of worries, and yes, I am fully aware how ridiculous they are!
Firstly, Luna had a very bad haematoma from delivery, so my first worry was that she had a headache!
Then came the worrying about… SIDS, cot death. I didn’t even know it had a fancy name until they give you pages and pages of ways your baby could die. The risk drops dramatically at 6 months, but then you always have the one friend who knew someone who sadly had a baby died from SIDS at 6 months+
Suffocation/ Choking/ Overheating/ Her bruise from her haematoma/ that she was to cold or to hot. (I had 3 thermometers! I mean really!)
Wind or belly ache
Was she sleeping too much?
Was she not sleeping enough?
Was she was eating too much?
Or not eating enough?
What if someone with a cold came to visit, or what if they had been smoking!?
(I remember when Luna had her first cold, I was so worried then in hit me, who dies from a cold!? No one. Not even a little baby!)
Obviously meningitis, and I still worry about this. Of all my worries, I think this is the only valid one! We have been talking about paying for the jab privatly,but thats another story.
Things that I worry about that aren’t to do with Luna getting sick…
A burgler breaking in while we are home
A house fire
A gas leak
Toys that people give her (are they safe?!)
I worry about myself more too. I worry about something happening to me which would mean Luna growing up without a Mum
The first time she gets her heart broken
Will she will get bullied?
Will she be happy?
Her getting toooo drunk (when she is older…just thought I should clarify) and being out of control
I never thought I would worry about these kinds of things so far in advance. I have another friend who has 2 little ones, and we were talking about all our worries to make each other feel better. We decided to text a list of what each other’s worries are. My thinking was that we would see similarities on the list, and would both feel better. This was the case… but also it opened up my eyes to more things I hadn’t even thought about! (So possibly not the best idea!?)
Now this one is completely crazy, and I have had my boyfriend tell me the facts several times about how it ‘couldn’t’ happen, but I’m not even joking when I say….zombies!
I know, I know. I’m literally cringing as I write this! But I really do! I worry that your typical zombie film will happen. I have dreams about it. Either we will be on the run together, or they get Luna then I have to look after a little zombie baby who is trying to kill me! (Thank god I didn’t breast feed…). Also since we’re on the topic of films, I worry about The Purge, you know, just in case that ever happens…(W.T.F.) I seriously think about this in bed at night. What would I do? Where would I go? Who could I trust??
Home invasion, where a crazy breaks in and basically tortures a family.
Now I have written the last 3, I think it’s pretty clear I shouldn’t watch films. I know they are crazy and out there, but they do run through my head at night. My boyfriend gets really annoyed when I ask him ‘what if’ questions all the time, and just tells me to switch off, but I really cant. I have talked to my Mum about it, and she said it was strange how despite the 30 year gap, she worried about the same things (maybe less zombies). But rather than stopping there, she went on to tell me what she worries about now!